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bettyboxedin 35, Female, Canada - 24 entries

Oct 2006
4:41 AM CST

I am being stalked by a man i once met in the hospital and he is now stalking me and trying to find me. he has stalked girls in the past so i am going to go away for a while and may not be on for a while. just wanted to tell you so you know i am not dead

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smb 50, Female, Wyoming, USA - 129 entries

Oct 2006
3:40 AM MST

letter to CN

LETTER TO CN:

I am sorry for last night! I am sorry I am co-dependent and "try to control you". I wish I could make us LOVE eachother like the kind of love I want and the kind you deserve. but quite frankly I feel like neither of us are giving or getting the love! I don't know why: who and what you are, isn't enough! I guess I feel the need to change you. This makes me feel like we are NOT meant to be together because if I truly loved you, I wouldn't want to change you, right? You are not what I need. I need someone who is lively and passionate about me and someone who follows through with ideas and concerns (of mine). Therefore, I really think we would be better off without eachother. I know we have been saying this for over a month now and I just don't know how much longer we should keep drawing this out. We need serious help or this relationship is DONE! I am tired of you minimizing everything when I bring this stuff up. I don't understand why you are okay with a half-assed relationship! TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT!!! Do you want me (+ the boys) or are we DONE???? I feel like I need to make it work for the boys! I know I will never find a guy like you when it comes to the boys,,, and one who is so "healthy". I love that about you! BUT, honestly, that and the sex isn't enough to hold us together. I want this to be an awesome love where I feel madly deeply, passionately IN LOVE with you (without the sex as the glue)!? DON'T YOU WANT THAT? or do you not care that we have a mediocre relationship??? I feel so desperate but yet so helpless! I am afraid what will happen is we will keep doing this... I bring it up, we talk, nothing happens, nothing changes and we are fine for awhile till I feel the emptiness again, and then it starts all over... HOW LONG do we do this? When do we finally just cut our losses and say GoodBye!? I guess I have to draw the line somewhere... (I know I am not perfect and have things to work on) I am willing to work on it and really give it one last ditch effort but if this (what we are doing right now) happens again, I would say we should be done, because of obvious reasons. Please tell me what you want and what you need and if you want to try to make it work or if you want to be done now. I need to know exactly how you are feeling and we need to make some decisions! I need to talk to you about this before I decide if I am coming over. OKAY! BTW-I will always love you...no matter what happens to us, I will love you as the awesome friend that you have been and I hope will continue to be!

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shejustloves 49, Female, Minnesota, USA - 24 entries

Oct 2006
4:19 AM CST

How is it that I am so in love with two guys? My husband of four years is a great guy but not exactly there for me emotionally...not the way I thought my marriage would ever turn out. I waited until mid 20's to get married for the reason that I wanted to be sure and I was sure. Now, everything has changed. I see him becoming more and more of an alcoholic and I don't know how to control it. So I do all I know is comfortable I resort back to old love letters from ex's and especialliy the one that I have never fallen out of love with. I guess it is hard to call him a boyfriend...I was the other woman. I wasn't married at the time but he was and still is. It ended badly, as most affairs do and I didn't think that I would see him again. Four years ago as my husband and I were building our house my husband set up a plumbing and heating company to do the work and of course they would send my ex!!!! My husband know nothing about our relationship and all though he is still not sure what went on he knows something did...he has never pressed the issue and neither have I. As C was up working on our house I felt the connection again so deep so real so wrong. Now 4 years later we still talk when we run into each other and neither spouse is around...which isn't often...but I know that he is planning a divorce once his child is 18...6years from now. And I am so in love with him still. I can't help but think that fate brought him to our house 4 years ago and it is fate that throws us into each others paths to this day. He has always said that I am exactly what he is looking for in a woman and God knows he is what I am looking for. He had told his dad about me and when his dad confronted me he said "he loves you please don't give up on my son." On the same hand I did not get married to turn around and see if the grass is greener on the other side. I love my husband and I know that he loves me. We have a house and a history we have our own amazing love story and plans for a family we have been through some really trying times and some of the happiest times...we have a future mapped out how can I think I could just walk away to see what is awaiting me? Yet how can I go through life wondering what could have been. Is there such a thing as fate?

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1 comment(s) - 03:46 PM - 10/18/2006

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crazynluv 38, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - 4 entries

Oct 2006
5:55 PM EDT

hey, Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at the same time?...Personally, i don't. I think that if you truly love a person, you give your everything to him/her. All of your heart, that way you have no room for anyone else. That's why i say that if you think you love more than one person, most likely, you don't really love neither one of them,you might them both alot, but i wouldn't call it love, or you might love one and really like another, or you may just not truly know what love is and really think that you love both. NO, it is impossible to love more than one person at once...for me at least.

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jleigh09 38, Female, United Kingdom - 35 entries

Oct 2006
10:25 PM WEDT

have been at stevens a few days it was so nice to see him i hardly see him lately he is always working he needs the money. it was all good till last night we had a huge argument it all started over something stupid like most arguments do. anyway things were said on both parts that shouldnt have been. anyway as ushual steven decides instead of sorting it out he would run away from it like he always does. so he walked out went to his works and got drunk. caqme in 10 pints later appolagising and hugging me i said sorry and we ok now. i hate arguing with him it is the most horrible and lonely feeling. i cried for ages when he went out i knew where he went at what he would do but u felt empty when he went i felt alone i wanted to shout at him but i couldnt i wanted to sort it out but couldn't. but now we r fine and i am back home as he is back at work today we never argue for long which is all good. i would be lost without steven him and tyler are my whole world. i went to the doctors today to get more of my birth pill as my pack ran out just to find out i had been put on the mini pill i couldnt believe it i was so annoyed my doctor didnt tell me he put me on the for 3 months we have been having sex without anything contraception apart from my pill which being a mini pill has a higher risk of falling pregnant then a normal birth pill. i have now been prescribed the normal pill. thank god i couldnt handle another baby god two children under the age of 18 months god that would be a hand full i want to enjoy tyler and my relationship with steven for a few years befor i even think about having another child.

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1 comment(s) - 03:46 PM - 10/18/2006

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messeduplove07 37, Female, Pennsylvania, USA - First entry!

Oct 2006
5:13 AM EDT

Hey what's up? Not too much here just chilling up in study hall bored out of my mind. I can't wait to hopefully meet this guy that I normally chill with. My cousin morgan is going to be hooking us up if he likes me. I don't understand why guys are so difficult. Right now I don't care I am going to stay single if I don't meet anyone that actually wants to settle down. Yesterday we were going to go and meet him but I had to be at work at 4 and he wouldn't of got to giant until 4. We are suppose to be hanging out with him on Friday night while he is working on his car. I hope that he likes me but if not i am going to stay single for awhile. My ex was going around telling everyone that I was pregnent and that I hadn't been taking my birth control for the past two months and he is just starting shit and I told everyone that I will take out my birth control out and show everyone that I am on it and they were like okay we believe you and not him. My dad is being a dick head and i wish that he wasn't. He told me he would try and make time for me so he can come and get his birthday gift. Him and his family are so hipacritical and I hate it. But they are going to be happy when I tell them that I am not with Justin anymore. Got to run talk to you later. Sweetsexygirl

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1 comment(s) - 07:14 PM - 10/18/2006

kjs2004 40, Male, California, USA - First entry!

Oct 2006
2:52 PM EDT

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ladybug20 39, Female, Canada - 9 entries

Oct 2006
9:43 AM PST

Ok, so now I actually have time to type something. Worst day ever on Saturday ...me and who I now refer to as "asshole" are no longer dating, nor are we friends. The games were getting ridiculous. But I was looking forward to that night, because Jason, possibly Lauren, and Kerri were going to come with me to Chilliwack. Jason and his best friend Lauren didn't come out ...I guess Jason had a long day too. But Kerri was still coming with me. So im on my way to Chilliwack, Tanya calls and fills me in on what happened Friday. Well I was texting with Jason throughout the hockey game, and Asshole got jealous and started texting someone. Never told me, and hid who he was talking to. He was texting my best friend Tanya. Meanwhile im actually talking hockey with Jason. Tanya informs me that he was doing nothing but flirting with her, and "offerring his services" as he put it. She declined cuz we're best friends. Now im even more mad and poor Jason listened to me vent about my day via phone on my way home from work. So then I texted him what had recently happened. We get to the bar, and asshole texted Tanya and what it came down to was that asshole was only half joking about the night before and tells her that im mad at him. He thinks that it was just for that ...no it was really a couple months of keeping it to myself and finally losing it. Anyways I guess I wound up texting Jason (While drunk mind you) and told him he was cute and that we should get together the following day. Then I wound up going outside and calling him and talking to him for a bit. So he came to my house the next day, and im extremely hungover. We watched some movies and hung out ...all while cuddling. My hangover headache went away but there was tension in my neck, so another headache was coming on. He gave me a neck massage ...nothing was helping so he and I agreed I'd get some sleep and he'd leave. He wound up giving me a kiss on the head when he left. Weird/akward thing ...we work together. And im not really sure if I like him ...I cannot trust guys as far as I can throw them. And I have a thing with younger guys ...guys are already immature, I don't know if I even want to attempt that. I did it once and that was a mistake. And I don't want to ruin our work friendship. We are the two youngest ones there ...we make fun of everyone/confide to each other cause we're both around the same age. I don't know what to do ...my head is spinning, my stomach has butterflies, and my heart is cold as a rock. P.S. On another note, I haven't talked to Asshole in almost 5 days. It's easier than quitting smoking.

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bettyboxedin 35, Female, Canada - 24 entries

Oct 2006
11:14 AM CST

I have the worst head ache ever! so much stress is building up and i feel like i am gonna snap!how dare that sob threaten me try and take away my freedom. i want to DIE

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1 comment(s) - 08:45 AM - 10/19/2006

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babymexgirl 36, Female, Texas, USA - 7 entries

Oct 2006
10:47 AM EDT

dear journal, i am head over heals in love with my boyfriend Garrett. the only problem is i barely get to see him. you might think im just a stupid child but i do love him. its weird i dont know i know he loves me

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1 comment(s) - 10:50 AM - 10/19/2006

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